Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
