I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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