DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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