11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
