her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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