She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
