Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
