i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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