You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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