my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
