Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
