if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
