ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
