my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
