so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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