You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
