Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
