he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I currently don't understand fingers.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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