Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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