Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
