You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
