I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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