Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
