in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
