I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
