he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you never un-have a 4some
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
