24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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