Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I want to be your penis for a week.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
