you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
