i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
