Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
