I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
