only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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