But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
