Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My hand turned me down
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
