ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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