The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
