i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
