It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I didn't notice because vodka
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
