remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
