So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
