Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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