The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
