If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
