Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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