I think im going to throw up on grandma
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
