just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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