Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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