I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
soo... how was my night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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