why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
