my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
