dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
