We got so high we made milksteak
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
